May 28, 1966 (Mother takes her face in her hands and looks exhausted.) Are you all right? Page 120 Are YOU tired? No, it's worse than tired, it's worse.... A whole work of adjustment is going on, which has become very, very difficult, very difficult (Mother makes a gesture of churning). I am practically unable to eat any longer, I force myself, otherwise all I would do is drink. And it's not caused by the stomach, it's not that, it's ... (same gesture of churning). I don't feel tired, but I've had for a long time and increasingly (the last few days it has become very acute) the impression of walking forward, moving on (gesture in a precarious balance), and that the sl

September 17, 1966 How is your book coming along? Do you find it's going too slow? Would you like it to go faster? No, I am asking you because I was busy with it yesterday again, early in the night. That's why I am asking you. At night I see, then hear sentences, see scenes, and then ... So I say to myself that it must be getting along! (silence) There is a new activity.... At times I find myself (I catch myself doing something, to be precise) talking with people whom most of the time I don't know, then describing a scene: they can get such and such a thing done, they can be advised to do this or that thing, and it will end with such and such a thing. They are kinds of sc

M o t h e r's   A g e n d a   1966-11-15 November 15, 1966 ... I am nonexistent. Tired? No, absolutely gone (gesture above). I realize it's absolutely useless to want anything and that nothing gets done.... Nonexistent. See the time, it's 10:45. I have given up. I am just a robot good for signing papers, that's all. Whether I want or don't want ... Of course, "I" stopped wanting long ago, but anyway, for me to express a necessity is absolutely useless. Absolutely. I am truly gone. Don't go away! Oh, it doesn't matter. This (Mother points to her body) is still here! You know, one thing upon another, one upon another, in every field: I see what must be and what is true, and everything, but ev

January 26, 1966 (Regarding the previous conversation: the blue and pink Purani) (Ironically) It's a pity we can't make pictures of those things, because Purani had lots of admirers and disciples, plenty in America, and so if I could send them a picture of Purani as I saw him, blue and pink (laughing), that would be charming! (long silence) There is at the moment a systematic demolition of all preconceived ideas, prejudices, habits, all the viewpoints - the social, moral, hygienic, health viewpoints - "it" takes hold of everything, one thing after the other, and it demolishes it with such irony! Last night it was about "hygienic" measures concerning food, Page 25 and

April 13, 1966 (About Satprem's new book, "The Sannyasin.") This morning again I got up more than half an hour late because of you! Why is it so difficult? Page 82 (Laughing) That's what I don't understand! It shouldn't be. Don't you have an "idea" that it's going to be difficult? Didn't you start with the idea it was going to be difficult? Yes. There you are, then. And also I have great difficulty getting rid of the old form. Yes, yes. It hampers me a lot. Yes, all the old habits. I am constantly doing and undoing, because I realize it's the old form of the book, what I had seen formerly. [[This book should normally have been written four or five year

June 4, 1966 How are things? - They should be better. Why? Because I think ("I think" is a manner of speaking) ... I told you the other day about that awesome force; well, I think it's having some effect all the same. It has changed something in the atmosphere, it's not so oppres Page 129 sive, is it? I told you the difference in the position; well, it's as if something had really been reversed. So it should have effect on everybody (?) And I keep on writing endless pages! Yes, of your book. It's quite new. (Besides, once I am awake I no longer concern myself with it at all.) I spend part of my night like that, not writing with my own hand but dictating. While I do it I

February 19, 1966 (Regarding a Playground Talk of April 9, 1951, in which Mother spoke of the degeneration of taste, of the war and what a new war would mean:) "Now, to tell you the truth, we are on the upward curve again. I think we have really reached the bottom of incoherence, absurdity and ugliness - the taste for the ugly and the unsightly, the dirty, the offensive. We have, I think, reached rock bottom.... If it's taken in the right way (and I think there are people who have taken it in the right way), it can lead you straight to the Yoga, straight. That is, you feel a sort of very deep detachment from all the things of this world, a very intense need to find som

August 17, 1966 ... As for me, I can't see anymore. The way in which I see is something very interesting - I can't say that I can't see anymore. It's very interesting. Something suddenly comes alive (an object or a face or a letter or ...), clear, precise, almost luminous. The next minute, everything is blurred. I seem to be told, "This is worth seeing." So I look at it. "And (laughing) don't bother about that"! On the 15th, that boy, the Communist architect who was here left, because he found that "moral laws aren't sufficiently respected'! ... His very words. He left. But then, his thought keeps coming all the time - not "thought": something from here (the heart), it keeps comin

June 15, 1966 ... He is mentally very limp. But I too feel mentally in a limp state! I get the feeling of a complete numbness. Then that's perfect. Yes, but then I can't write! Page 135 Listen, Sri Aurobindo wrote the whole Arya for I don't know how much time, five years, I think, without a single thought in his head. I don't think, but I do have the thoughts of the physical, material world, the material mind. Yes, that's there. Oh, it keeps running? Yes, it keeps running. But all the rest has stopped running. There's a sort of numbness. I wouldn't complain if I didn't have to write! With me, it's the other way around; it's here [materially] that it has becom

March 30, 1966 (The following conversation, in which Mother speaks entirely in English, took place while she listened to the English transla tion of the conversation of March 4, in which she said in particular: "It becomes just a choice: you choose things to be like this or like that....") I had the same experience in the cell-consciousness. It lasted for Page 76 one hour and there it was truly almost miraculous. The same Consciousness as this consciousness I had in what we can call the "material mental" (that is, the collective consciousness of the cells), but this morning it was in the cells themselves, this Consciousness [the eternal Consciousness Mother spea