November November 5, 1961 (Mother would prefer Satprem not to mention Paul Richard by name in his book on Sri Aurobindo.) I have done my best, all these years, to try to keep him at a distance. He has a power - a terrible asuric power. Between you and me, I saw him like that from the start - that's why I became involved with him. I never intended to marry him (his family affairs made it necessary), but when we met, I recognized him as an incarnation of the 'Lord of Falsehood' - that is his 'origin' (what he called the 'Lord of Nations'); and in fact, this being has directed the whole course of world events during the last few centuries. As for Theon, he was.... It was not by ch

October 15, 1961 (During the two preceding meetings, Satprem read to Mother several fragments of his manuscript on Sri Aurobindo.) You have brought me a very strange experience. The first time you read your manuscript, I called Sri Aurobindo to hear it. He was in the subtle physical and he listened. Yesterday when I sat down to listen, I thought, 'It would be much better if he entered my brain because that way In fact, I called him; he Page 346 entered my brain. It took some time; all through the beginning of the reading we were still two; then he came in more and more, more and more, more and more.... My head - my physical head - seemed to be swelling up! There was no long

December 23, 1961 (Concerning the Sri Aurobindo manuscript, Mother advises against replying to the publisher too hastily, because she sees a possibility that could change the situation.) There is something deeper. And within this deeper thing there was: quiet, quiet, quiet, we will wait; and the impression (but vague, distant and uncertain) of some attempt being made to introduce a very good possibility into the atmosphere. I never see on the purely physical plane, you know (it's always on the subtle physical, the plane of possibilities - that's more real to me; the purely physical generally eludes me, but I see the subtle physical clearly), and I was seeing ... I don't know, it was

April 22, 1961 1 never manage to finish my morning's program. Things just keep piling up.... (Soon afterwards, concerning X, who had stated that the most recent attacks against Mother, and even those of two years earlier when she had been forced to withdraw to her room, were the result of black magic, and that certain members of the Ashram were DIRECTLY responsible for them, or in any case, had served as intermediaries - as a 'switchboard,' to quote him - in connection with an outside magician.) Page 179 I have been racking my brains, but really, I can't hit on who, IN THE ASHRAM, could be doing magic against me! Having bad thoughts is very widespread, but that doesn't matt

September 28, 1961 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Sweet Mother, I feel completely abandoned to myself. This book is a real SUFFERING. I don't see where I am going, I am groping in all directions. Mother, do help me. Where lies the fault? I am suffering, you know. I would like to do it well, but it comes only in fits and starts, nothing coherent. Sometimes I feel quite incapable of carrying out this task properly. What should I do? Your child, Signed: Satprem Page 334 (Mother's reply) Thursday Satprem, my dear child, If you agree, here is what we could do: read aloud to me what you have written; perhaps seeing it in my consciousness will help you. If

January 24, 1961 I have something to tell you now.... We'll work later. In the middle of the night before last, I woke up (or rather I returned to an external consciousness) with the feeling of having a much larger (by larger I mean more voluminous) and much more powerful being in my body than I usually have. it was as if it could scarcely be held inside me but was spilling over; and SO COMPACTLY POWERFUL that it was almost uncomfortable. The feeling of: what to do with all this? It lasted the remainder of the night and all day long I had considerable trouble containing an overwhelming power that spontaneously created reactions utterly disproportionate to a human body and made me

August 11, 1961 (Regarding the book on Sri Aurobindo that Satprem was preparing to write.) Again this morning, between 3 and 4 o'clock, Sri Aurobindo seemed to be showing me around the world of expression. I see a host of people I don't know (and some I do). There are immense rooms - not libraries (there are no books) yet everything is there, arranged and organized, in great open roofless rooms. And I walk along with Sri Aurobindo as he passes from one person to another, one group to another, one place to another, one room to another - and he coordinates it all. To some he says a few words; others show him things. And it's all for the background of your book, for it to be filled with

June 17, 1961 So far, the meditations with X are much better than last time. Today especially it was very good. It's a contemplation going right up to the Supreme, with a constant, continuous Descent: something which doesn't waver the whole time ('doesn't waver' - I mean doesn't vary), during the whole meditation. But if I ask him what happened, he'll tell me a little story! Yesterday I saw N. and he told me, 'Oh! X had an experience during the meditation with you this morning.' 'Ah!' I said to myself, 'This is going to be interesting.' (I was wrong to think so, by the way, even for a quarter of a second.) 'Yes,' he told me, 'he saw what seemed to be a transparent golden veil descend

June 27, 1961 Aphorism 62 - I heard a fool discoursing utter folly and wondered what God meant by it; then I considered and saw a distorted mask of truth and wisdom. Is there really no such thing as utter stupidity or absolute falsehood? Is there always a truth behind? Practically speaking, there can be no absolute falsehood, since the Divine is behind everything. It's like asking if certain elements will disappear from the universe. What can it mean, the destruction of a universe? Once we are out of our stupidity, what can we call 'destruction'? Only the form is destroyed, the appearance (that, yes - all appearances are destroyed, one after the other). It is also said (

February 11, 1961 (Mother comes in with T.'s notebook of questions on Sri Aurobindo's Aphorisms.) 55 - Be wide in me, O Varuna; be mighty in me, O Indra; O Sun, be very bright and luminous; O Moon, be full of charm and sweetness. Be fierce and terrible, O Rudra; be impetuous and swift, O Maruts; be strong and bold, O Aryama; be voluptuous and pleasurable, O Bhaga; be tender and kind and loving and passionate, O Mitra. Be bright and revealing, O Dawn; O Night, be solemn and pregnant. O Life, be full, ready and buoyant; O Death, lead my steps from mansion to mansion. Harmonise all these, O Brahmanaspati. Let me not be subject to these gods, O Kali. [[Kali symbolizes the destroy