May 7, 1959 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry, May 7, 1959 Sweet Mother, 1. In which Mother had asked about certain experiences that occurred during her meditations with X. 2. Another globe, or perhaps the same one, but this time orange colored. I spoke of your experience, but with all these people we scarcely have time to speak, so I was unable to give many details or to Page 298 get any very clear explanation. X is well acquainted with this Light - these luminous bluish-violet waves with the white bar running through the center. He gave me his own description, which coincides exactly with yours ... In short, he wanted to say that perhaps this Light was

January 1959 I am not a scholar I am a creative force in action, that is all. Everything depends on the Lord's Will. If such is His will, when I have to know, I know, when I have to fight, I fight, when I have to love, I love, and always there is the need to love, to know and to fight.* Page 343 ISBN 2-902776-33-0

March 1959 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry Sweet Mother, Just now I have left X; he sent me away from his house a few minutes after my arrival: 'I do not like you to stay here NOW.' And he added, 'There is hard work.' He was doing a japa' when I arrived at 5 o'clock. X seems tired, and the child - who is very sensitive - does not seem well either. This morning, X told me, 'Last night I have been fighting like a lion.' And apparently it is not over, although he just told me, 'He [the titan] has "one.' I asked him if the titan was dead, and he told Page 286 me, 'Yes, yes, closed.' - But I think he told me this mainly to avoid my questions, and it contrad

October 8, 1960 There are moments while reading the Synthesis of Yoga when I feel so clearly why he put this particular word in that particular place, and why it could not have been otherwise - that's what makes the translation difficult. For the placement of words is not the same in English and in French. In English, for example, the place an adverb occupies is of major importance for the precise meaning. In French also, but generally it's not the same! If at least it were exactly the opposite of English it would be easier, but it's not exactly the opposite. It's the same thing for the word order in a series of modifiers or any string of words; usually in English, for example, the

February 1958 (A few days after the experience of February 3, Mother had other experiences that seemed a continuation of it) Everyone carries with him, in his atmosphere, what Sri Aurobindo calls the 'Censors'; in a way, they are the permanent delegates of the hostile forces. Their role is to criticize mercilessly each act, each thought, the least movement of the consciousness, and to place you before the most hidden motives of your behavior, to expose the least lower vibration accompanying your apparently purest or highest thoughts or acts. It is not here a question of morality. These gentlemen are not moralizing agents, although they know very well how to make use of mor

January 18, 1957 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry, January 18, 1957 Sweet Mother, The conflict that is tearing me apart is between this shadowy part of a past that does not want to die, and the new light. I wonder if, rather than escaping to some desert, it would not be wiser to resolve this conflict by objectify it, by writing this book I spoke to you about. But I would like to know whether it is really useful for me to write this book, or whether it is not just some inferior task, a makeshift. You told me one day that I could be 'useful' to you. Then, by chance, I came across this passage from Sri Aurobindo the other day: 'Everyone has in him something

November 14, 1958 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry, November 14, 1958 Mother, I feel disguised.' And I detest hypocrisy - I have many faults, but not that one. So I believe it would be better for me to leave. Through my friends in Hyderabad, I can contact some people who are doing business in the forests of the Belgian Congo. I want to go there, alone and far away from everything. But there is always this wretched question of money. I need it to leave and to pay for the journey. Afterwards, I will manage. Anyway, it is all the same to me; I am not afraid of anything any longer. I. Due to the orange robes of the sannyasi. Page 233 It seems to

April 20, 1956 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry, April 20, 1956 Sweet Mother, The difficulties of the past weeks have taught me that as soon as one strays from the true consciousness, in however trifling a way, anything may happen, any excess, any aberration, any imbalance - and I have felt very dangerous things prowling about me. Mother, you told me in regard to Patrick[[A friend of Satprem's who died insane in a Japanese hospital in India. ]] that the law of the manifestation was a law of freedom, even the freedom to choose wrongly. This evening, it has been my very deep perception that this freedom is virtually always a freedom to choose wrongly. I harbor a great

June 9, 1955 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry, June 9, 1955 Mother, I cannot say that it is a nostalgia for the outside world that is drawing me backwards nor some attachment to a 'personal' form of life, nor even some vital desire seeking its own satisfaction. That old world no longer attracts me, and I do not see at all what I would do there. Yet something is standing in my way. Page 51 If only I could see a distinct 'error' blocking my path which I could clearly attack ... But I feel that I am not responsible, that it is not my personal fault if I remain without aspiration, stagnating. I feel like a battlefield of contending forces that are beyond me and against

January 1, 1957 1957 A power greater than that of Evil can alone win the victory. It is not a crucified but a glorified body that will save the world. Page 99 ISBN 2-902776-33-0