January 31, 1968 It's strange, I have suddenly been forbidden to speak, as it were, and ... I don't know how to explain it, I feel as if I were talking from a distance. I don't know how to explain. And that's what has given me this husky voice (Mother's voice is a little hoarse). I think it's undergoing a sort of transformation. Previously, there used to be great control over the voice, the sound of the voice - it's all gone! It's as if I made something speak that's very far from me. It will pass. (silence) And for everything, everything ... there is a change in the MODE of being. For the nights too: the nights are very different - all that was organized, very regular, very or

August 22, 1968 (Satprem has not seen Mother since August 10. According to the doctor, her heart is weak, she does not eat anymore and can no longer remain standing. Yet she appeared for five minutes at the balcony for the darshan of August 15, but P., Mother's bodyguard, and V., her attendant, were behind and beside her, ready to support her. She looked so pale in her Page 225 silver cloak. This morning, August 22, she has sent Satprem a note and soup packets, remembering even his material needs. Her handwriting is quite changed.) August 22, 1968 Here are some soups, you must not have any left. This time, it is TRULY interesting - but a bit

March 30, 1968 (For some time Mother has looked grave.) You look grave? I am all right. But I can't speak. Things are fine, it's ... what could I call it? (Mother remains silent) ... The universalization Page 90 of the body consciousness - high-sounding words! But that's what it is. Very interesting. But I'd rather not speak. But things are fine. This morning again, it was very, VERY interesting. But I can't talk about it yet. We'll see after some time. [[In August there will take place the second great - and dangerous - turning point in Mother's yoga, after the one of April, 1962. Mother's voice is already beginning to have a different timbre, as though she were sp

June 26, 1968 Have you received news of P.L.? This morning in fact, I was worrying a bit about him. I feel as if he has been ... swallowed up in a hole. I didn't like that. * * * Satprem reads a text of Sri Aurobindo: "The fear of death and the aversion to bodily cessation are the stigma left by his animal origin on the human being. That brand must be utterly effaced." ( The Synthesis of Yoga, xx.334) Page 178 I didn't know that. It's very interesting! Very interesting in the sense that before one can reach the condition in which death isn't necessary, one must absolutely find it ... entirely natural, an unimportant event. It's chiefly that - something of very l

February 20, 1968 (In the weeks preceding February 21, her ninetieth birthday, Mother has had hardly any time to eat or sleep, spending hours to see people, work, write letters and so on. Satprem remarks that she does not look tired.) If there weren't people's thought, the collective suggestion, and maybe - maybe - a subconscious suggestion (the cells may possibly still be subject to a subconscious suggestion, that's possible ...), otherwise, with a few seconds of ... (gesture of drawing within), like that, plunging back into the Supreme Consciousness - every Page 63 thing is fine, I am never hungry (and don't feel the need to eat), I am never sleepy (and don't

April 3, 1968 (In continuation of the conversation of March 20, 1968, regarding the member of the Roman Curia.) Have you seen P.L. again? No. I saw him yesterday. He spoke to me, but I didn't hear. I don't know what he told me. But I VERY STRONGLY had - very strongly, and it lasted a long time - the sense of the beginning, the commencement ... the start of something like an action or a series of events that would have great importance for the development of the earth.[[This would seem to be the continuation or concretization of the movement begun in 1967 with Mother's note, "Christianity deifies suffering to make it the instrument of the earth's salvation" (July 29, 1967), th

May 11, 1968 (A disciple has written an article on the Ashram's future in which she said in particular, "The Ashram will become an occult center, a select collectivity....") I am not at all anxious for advertisement or publicity for the Ashram. It's not necessary at all. It's not necessary to talk about the Ashram - (laughing) the true way to make it "occult" is not to talk about it! * * * I saw P.L. I also saw J.'s children, [[J. is PL.'s friend. ]] and the boy told me, "I want to be your warrior to conquer and defend the Truth." Very sweet, this little boy, very sweet! As for him [P.L.], it's mostly imagination. There are occult troubles, but ... But as soon

September 28, 1968 Are you better? I am very much bothered. I have a sort of constant brain fatiguewith headaches, aching eyes, and everything seems veiled. Ah, mon petit, it's those animals.... It was the same thing with me during that so-called illness: I was as if wrapped inside a cloak of gray cotton wool. And it hasn't gone, it's there, at a distance. It presses all around. It's troublesome. Yes, Mother, it disrupts my work a lot. Doing an ordinary worktires me, but as soon as I want to write or do something creative, it immediately gets blocked, it becomes painful, my eyes ache and I can't work anymore. Do you eat well? Oh, yes, very well.... And I've

June 22, 1968 Do you have news of P.L.? No, I just know he's left for Rome.[[A telegram from Msgr. R. abruptly recalled P.L. to Rome: "New rules Roman Curia demand your immediate return else your position compromised." ]] He's arrived. I wonder, because ... You feel something's wrong? I have a very strong suspicion about the famous "friend" [Msgr. R.], because he was the one who told P.L. to come here (you remember how he insisted P. L. should come), and now he's saying P. L. came here to live with a woman. And he's the one who arranged everything so P.L. would stay with J.! I have a very strong suspicion. Haven't they laid a terrible trap for him? ... He's expecting a s

June 18, 1968 (Regarding an unpublished letter of Sri Aurobindo.) K. asks me if this is correct. (Question) One thing is strange. One never feels sex- vibrations when touching Europeans while one can hardly touch Orientals without feeling it either at the time or by memory afterwards. Does this means that the Europeans are purer than Orientals? (Sri Aurobindo) "No they are not purer, but they live more in the mental and less in the vital ... Well, not anymore! Since the war everything has changed. "... Therefore sex is with most of them, less pas sionate and preoccupying than with most Indians. This is at least true of the English and Americans, Page 171