December 22, 1962 New Year's Day and Christmas. Where there used to be ten letters a day, now there are twenty-five. Nolini comes and he just won't leave.... I am late again.[[This is the beginning of a phenomenon that will become quite acute over the years, as if an increasingly inexorable force were trying to swallow up Mother's conversations with Satprem - the story of the transformation, in other words - in favor of small parochial doings. ]] Did you bring your book? It's not so great. That doesn't matter. Is it the end of the chapter? Oh, no, just another part. What is it on? The transformation? You've finished the "transformation" - no? The transformation isn't fi

October October 3, 1962 Nothing to say. It is a microscopic work. Page 363

November November 3, 1962 (Mother asks Satprem how he is. He did not keep his reply.) ... But it's all right, mon petit, it's going well. And physically? Not so good. Are you eating enough? Yes, yes. Are you sure? It's more a sort of weariness. I spend terrible nights in the subconscient. Over the past six months there's been a really abrupt change in my dreams. Previously I would remember something once in a while; now I remember nothing except the subconscient, and what a subconscient! I'm lucky when it's not hellish. Mon petit, from that point of view my nights are abominable too - they can't really be abominable because I live in beatitude, but what I see, w

May 22, 1962 (The beginning of this conversation, unfortunately not kept, dealt with certain instances of human ugliness. The topic, in fact, was Satprem's break with X who had been his guru for the past few years. The reasons for this rupture may one day be told, but it should be stressed right now that the fault did not really lie with X, whom Satprem continued to respect, but with a group of schemers at the Ashram who fastened onto X in the hope of god knows what "powers." It is perhaps just as well that the human "ugliness" here in question has vanished from Satprem's records, for - although it did come up again immediately after Mother's departure - it concerned only the Ashram discip

February 13, 1962 (After listening to Satprem read several Playground Talks [[From 1951 to 1958, Mother gave regular talks at the Ashram Playground. These talks were later published under the title Questions and Answers. ]] to be published in the Ashram Bulletin.) It's easy reading, it won't tax their brains. Still, it's worth saying. Actually, I have noticed one thing: nowadays if I spontaneously say something the way I see it, without trying to adapt myself to people, they don't understand - it's difficult to understand. And I am not speaking of people who know nothing, but of those who have lived and thought with me. My vision of things - the SAME things - has become ve

January 12, 1962 (Note from Mother to Satprem concerning his question of January 9, on the capacities required to gain access to the supramental world.) Capacity for indefinite expansion of consciousness on all planes including the material. Limitless plasticity, to be able to follow the movement of becoming. Perfect equality abolishing all possibility of ego reaction. Page 33

October 27, 1962 (An unfortunate series of power cuts prevented the recording of most of this conversation, except for a few passages. Satprem noted down the missing parts from memory, and Mother then supplemented his notes with a number of comments and additions.) We're going to build a little room on the terrace for the harmonium. I feel like making some experiments.... There used to be a bad attitude in the body, which always hampered my playing, and now that it has gone, I would like to see what happens. It was something in the subconscient standing in the way: everything you learn when you study music, that you can't play this note with that note and so forth and so on.

February 9, 1962 (Concerning a European disciple who praises the merits of a certain pseudo-spiritual book, which Mother calls "spiritual romanticism":) It's very European - they're like that. Page 77 They want to compare - they want to compare teachings: you mustn't get stuck on any one thing; you have to be "broadminded," eclectic. And so.... That's what they want, plenty of vital, plenty of imagination, and just enough falsehood to match their own turn of mind! Take Z, for instance - she told me that Maharshi [[Maharshi: a famous South Indian yogi, now deceased. ]] wrote in his book that if I were Hindu and did asanas every day, all India would be at my feet! This

February 24, 1962 Something seems to have changed. For a long time, several months, things were constantly on the brink, and dangerously so; I felt they could go either this way or that. Then on my birthday[[Mother was 84 on February 21. ]] something suddenly tilted. All at once a formation seemed to have been lifted, a formation weighing Page 85 terribly on ... I won't say on what, because it appeared to be everything ... it was lifted with the sweep of a hand, exactly the same movement Sri Aurobindo used for taking away illnesses. [[Mother used to say that when Sri Aurobindo cured somebody, one often saw a subtle hand come with a current of blue force and seize, as it were

June 12, 1962 (Unexpectedly, this conversation led into the subject of Satprem's break with X, who had been his guru for the past few years. Here then, briefly, is the story behind the rupture: No sooner had Satprem brought X to the Ashram than a swarm of disciples threw themselves at him. Conspicuous among these were the moneymen, the same wheelerdealers who, eleven years later, after Mother's departure, were to reveal their ambitions in Auroville as well as Pondicherry. Satprem's somewhat straightforward manner soon got in the way of their schemes. He had a deep affection for X and when he repeatedly saw that these people - spiritual scoundrels is the only word for them - were, in the h