May 18, 1966 (After Satprem has read to Mother a first few fragments from the "Sannyasin") I like your way of writing. It's restful. But when you write a novel, you must build it up; in other words, there are all those unnecessary things you have to put in to reach certain points, and that's what's troublesome! All those futile things you have to present just in order to demolish them. I find it very restful to enter the region of elegant form, harmonious form, it's very restful. This material mind - which is organizing itself, which has learned to fall silent, learned to pray - has a sort of spontaneous need or spontaneous thirst for beauty, for a beautiful form. I see

February 23, 1966 (Regarding the Talk of April 14, 1951, in which Mother tells the story of two young men who met with accidents and used a cat as a vital support to inform Mother of their death.) Charles de F.! That's it, I remember, he was the son of an ambassador of France (to Austria, I think). He was sublieutenant. Page 41 With his company he went out to attack a trench, and they all died. It was a massacre. But there is a sequel to the story.... He came afterwards. Once he was formed again, he came; he stayed near me and told me, "I have come because it was my desire and intention to go to India with you, and I want to accomplish it." And he came with me; when I lef

November 30, 1966 Are things better than last time? Oh, it's all right. These are decisive moments ... they come now and then. From an occult point of view it's a well-known phenomenon: Théon told me about it, so did Madame Théon. But when you have gone through it, afterwards things are immediately better, there is quite a considerable improvement. But there are lots of people doing a kind of black magic. Again? Yes, a great many. I have been told this several times, but naturally ... There are a great many of those so-called swamis and sadhus who are quite simply tricksters, but they have a rudimentary occult knowledge in a field where, unfortunately, it takes very lit

July 30, 1966 I think there is an attempt going on to teach me (that is, to make me learn) why one dies. There are lots of ways of dying, depending on the various planes of consciousness, and there are lots of causes (gesture in a gradation), but in each domain there is, as it were, an essential cause that makes death at the same time necessary, indispensable and unavoidable. And then, physically, that is, materially in the body's cells, you seem to be ... (Mother makes a gesture at a tangent), you are just on the borderline, on the verge of finding the secret of why there is cessation, why dissolution is made necessary by the incapacity to follow the movement of transformation.

May 28, 1966 (Mother takes her face in her hands and looks exhausted.) Are you all right? Page 120 Are YOU tired? No, it's worse than tired, it's worse.... A whole work of adjustment is going on, which has become very, very difficult, very difficult (Mother makes a gesture of churning). I am practically unable to eat any longer, I force myself, otherwise all I would do is drink. And it's not caused by the stomach, it's not that, it's ... (same gesture of churning). I don't feel tired, but I've had for a long time and increasingly (the last few days it has become very acute) the impression of walking forward, moving on (gesture in a precarious balance), and that the sl

September 17, 1966 How is your book coming along? Do you find it's going too slow? Would you like it to go faster? No, I am asking you because I was busy with it yesterday again, early in the night. That's why I am asking you. At night I see, then hear sentences, see scenes, and then ... So I say to myself that it must be getting along! (silence) There is a new activity.... At times I find myself (I catch myself doing something, to be precise) talking with people whom most of the time I don't know, then describing a scene: they can get such and such a thing done, they can be advised to do this or that thing, and it will end with such and such a thing. They are kinds of sc

M o t h e r's   A g e n d a   1966-11-15 November 15, 1966 ... I am nonexistent. Tired? No, absolutely gone (gesture above). I realize it's absolutely useless to want anything and that nothing gets done.... Nonexistent. See the time, it's 10:45. I have given up. I am just a robot good for signing papers, that's all. Whether I want or don't want ... Of course, "I" stopped wanting long ago, but anyway, for me to express a necessity is absolutely useless. Absolutely. I am truly gone. Don't go away! Oh, it doesn't matter. This (Mother points to her body) is still here! You know, one thing upon another, one upon another, in every field: I see what must be and what is true, and everything, but ev

January 26, 1966 (Regarding the previous conversation: the blue and pink Purani) (Ironically) It's a pity we can't make pictures of those things, because Purani had lots of admirers and disciples, plenty in America, and so if I could send them a picture of Purani as I saw him, blue and pink (laughing), that would be charming! (long silence) There is at the moment a systematic demolition of all preconceived ideas, prejudices, habits, all the viewpoints - the social, moral, hygienic, health viewpoints - "it" takes hold of everything, one thing after the other, and it demolishes it with such irony! Last night it was about "hygienic" measures concerning food, Page 25 and

April 13, 1966 (About Satprem's new book, "The Sannyasin.") This morning again I got up more than half an hour late because of you! Why is it so difficult? Page 82 (Laughing) That's what I don't understand! It shouldn't be. Don't you have an "idea" that it's going to be difficult? Didn't you start with the idea it was going to be difficult? Yes. There you are, then. And also I have great difficulty getting rid of the old form. Yes, yes. It hampers me a lot. Yes, all the old habits. I am constantly doing and undoing, because I realize it's the old form of the book, what I had seen formerly. [[This book should normally have been written four or five year

June 4, 1966 How are things? - They should be better. Why? Because I think ("I think" is a manner of speaking) ... I told you the other day about that awesome force; well, I think it's having some effect all the same. It has changed something in the atmosphere, it's not so oppres Page 129 sive, is it? I told you the difference in the position; well, it's as if something had really been reversed. So it should have effect on everybody (?) And I keep on writing endless pages! Yes, of your book. It's quite new. (Besides, once I am awake I no longer concern myself with it at all.) I spend part of my night like that, not writing with my own hand but dictating. While I do it I