January 24, 1961 I have something to tell you now.... We'll work later. In the middle of the night before last, I woke up (or rather I returned to an external consciousness) with the feeling of having a much larger (by larger I mean more voluminous) and much more powerful being in my body than I usually have. it was as if it could scarcely be held inside me but was spilling over; and SO COMPACTLY POWERFUL that it was almost uncomfortable. The feeling of: what to do with all this? It lasted the remainder of the night and all day long I had considerable trouble containing an overwhelming power that spontaneously created reactions utterly disproportionate to a human body and made me

August 11, 1961 (Regarding the book on Sri Aurobindo that Satprem was preparing to write.) Again this morning, between 3 and 4 o'clock, Sri Aurobindo seemed to be showing me around the world of expression. I see a host of people I don't know (and some I do). There are immense rooms - not libraries (there are no books) yet everything is there, arranged and organized, in great open roofless rooms. And I walk along with Sri Aurobindo as he passes from one person to another, one group to another, one place to another, one room to another - and he coordinates it all. To some he says a few words; others show him things. And it's all for the background of your book, for it to be filled with

June 17, 1961 So far, the meditations with X are much better than last time. Today especially it was very good. It's a contemplation going right up to the Supreme, with a constant, continuous Descent: something which doesn't waver the whole time ('doesn't waver' - I mean doesn't vary), during the whole meditation. But if I ask him what happened, he'll tell me a little story! Yesterday I saw N. and he told me, 'Oh! X had an experience during the meditation with you this morning.' 'Ah!' I said to myself, 'This is going to be interesting.' (I was wrong to think so, by the way, even for a quarter of a second.) 'Yes,' he told me, 'he saw what seemed to be a transparent golden veil descend

June 27, 1961 Aphorism 62 - I heard a fool discoursing utter folly and wondered what God meant by it; then I considered and saw a distorted mask of truth and wisdom. Is there really no such thing as utter stupidity or absolute falsehood? Is there always a truth behind? Practically speaking, there can be no absolute falsehood, since the Divine is behind everything. It's like asking if certain elements will disappear from the universe. What can it mean, the destruction of a universe? Once we are out of our stupidity, what can we call 'destruction'? Only the form is destroyed, the appearance (that, yes - all appearances are destroyed, one after the other). It is also said (

February 11, 1961 (Mother comes in with T.'s notebook of questions on Sri Aurobindo's Aphorisms.) 55 - Be wide in me, O Varuna; be mighty in me, O Indra; O Sun, be very bright and luminous; O Moon, be full of charm and sweetness. Be fierce and terrible, O Rudra; be impetuous and swift, O Maruts; be strong and bold, O Aryama; be voluptuous and pleasurable, O Bhaga; be tender and kind and loving and passionate, O Mitra. Be bright and revealing, O Dawn; O Night, be solemn and pregnant. O Life, be full, ready and buoyant; O Death, lead my steps from mansion to mansion. Harmonise all these, O Brahmanaspati. Let me not be subject to these gods, O Kali. [[Kali symbolizes the destroy

June 20, 1961 (Following a meditation with X.) We've been having these meditations for four days now and this is the fourth day of total silence - motionless, soundless (I don't know if there is sound outside or not; I don't know anything). A complete immobility right to the end. Page 228 When all is immobile like that and nothing seems to happen, is something happening? Something happening? I don't know. But that state IN ITSELF is something. When the body is conscious of that it means precisely that it has come out of its narrowness - it is the same Infinite as the one you get when out of the body. What I do now when X comes is take it all (gesture from below to above) and

November 23, 1961 I'm going to play you ten minutes of music. I have taken a vow of silence. It is very good; it does me good! Bring me a stool. (music) Page 390

November 16, 1961 In the middle of my walk, I go into trance, something that has never happened to me before! I find myself standing, immobilized, entirely surrounded by white light, in total silence, with absolutely nothing in my head - nothing. Standing up in that state is rather dangerous, so I lie down on my bed. And it continues - I hear nothing, see nothing but this white light. No more thought, not one idea in my head, nothing at all, to such an extent that if anyone enters noiselessly, I don't know it. But I do feel the pressure of someone watching me; I can sense it, so I open my eyes and there is actually someone there. But work, mon petit.... I can't work. I can't reme

April April 7, 1961 X tells me you're feeling better now.... X hears about it from the doctor. He asks the doctor and the doctor tells him whatever he likes. X says to him, 'I will completely cure her,' and the doctor replies, 'That's impossible - it can't be cured!' So X says, 'You have no faith,' and the doctor replies, 'You're living in illusions'! The truth is that the body is holding its own quite well. But it's a formidable affair. They [[See conversations of February 11 (p. 73) and March 7 (p. 114). ]] are multiplying by the millions; so you can see it will take time to get rid of them! They circulate throughout the body, sometimes for two, three or four hours at night,

September September 3, 1961 (The beginning of this conversation has unfortunately disappeared. It dealt with the book that Satprem was writing on Sri Aurobindo, and he spoke to Mother of his dream of writing automatically, without even needing to think, letting the writing flow along by itself.) ... You would like to carry thought into higher domains, beyond the province of thought itself! ... This is something practically impossible. You understand, if I were British and writing in English, I could try to do a book on Sri Aurobindo using 'Savitri' alone. With quotations from Savitri one can maintain a certain poetical rhythm, and this rhythm can generate an opening. But in