December 26, 1956 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry, December 26, 1956 Mother, perhaps it would be good if I told you what is happening within me, as sincerely as I can: Page 94 I feel that this Truth of my being, this self most intensely felt, is independent from any form or institution. As far back as I can reach in my consciousness, this 'thing' has been there; it was what drove me at an early age to liberate myself from my family, my religion, my country, a profession, marriage or society in general. I feel this 'thing' to be a kind of absolute freedom, and I have been feeling within me this same profound drive for more than a year. Is this need for fre

June 11, 1959 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Rameswaram, June 11, 1959 Sweet Mother As of yesterday evening I am a man delivered. It took only a very little word from X, and suddenly a weight seemed to have been lifted from me, and I knew at last that I would be fulfilled. All this is still so new, so improbable that I can scarcely believe it, and I wonder if by chance some evil blow is not still lurking in wait for me behind this promise of happiness; thus I shall be reassured only when I have told you everything, recounted all. But X has asked, me to wait a few more days before telling you this story, for he wants to give me certain additional details so that you may have all

December 12, 1956 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry, December 12, 1956 Mother, a letter from W. He is leaving Brazil and retiring from business for good. Mother, what can I do with my life? I feel absolutely alone, in a void. What hope remains since I have not been able to integrate into the Ashram? I am goalless. I am from nowhere. I am good for nothing. I have wanted to remain near you, and I love you, but there is something in me that does not accept an 'Ashram ending.' There is a need in me to DO, to act. But what? What? Have I something to do in this life? For years I have dreamed of going to Chinese Turkestan. Should I head in that direction? Or tow

June 22, 1958 Do not ask questions about the details of the material existence of this body: they are in themselves of no interest and must not attract attention. Throughout all this life, knowingly or unknowingly, I have been what the Lord wanted me to be, I have done what the Lord wanted me to do. That alone matters. July 2, 1958 Ramdas3 must be a continuation of the line of Chaitanya, Ramakrishna, etc ... . (silence) 1. Note written by Mother. 2. Note written by Mother in English. 3. Ramdas: a yogi from Northwest India who followed the path of love (bhakti). His whole yoga consisted in repeating the name Ram. He founded the Anand-ashram in Kanhargad, Kerala.

November 4, 1958 (Concerning; the Agenda of August 9, 1958, on the gods of the Puranas) The gods of the Puranas are merciless gods who respect only power and have nothing of the true love, charity or profound goodness that the Divine has put into the human consciousness - and which compensate psychically for all the outer defects. They themselves have nothing of this, they have no psychic.2 The Puranic gods have no psychic, so they act according to their power. They are restrained only when their power is not all-powerful, that's all. But what does Anusuya represent? 3 She is a portrait of the ideal woman according to the Hindu conception, the woman who worships her h

M o t h e r's   A g e n d a   Undated_1956 Undated 1956 (e) (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry Sweet Mother, I feel intensely, almost painfully, how much all my relationships with the outer world are FALSE, obscure, ignorant. As soon as I am away from the heart of my being, all my actions are approximations, all my contacts with other beings are turbid, my work itself becomes tainted with a thousand doubtful little motives. Mother, I know with a blinding certitude - even if this certitude is only mental - that the only solution is to come into contact with my true being. I know that by finding my true being I shall find the right action, the right relationships with the outside, and truth,

September 16, 1958 I would very much like to have a 'true mantra.' I have a whole stock of mantras; they have all come spontaneously, never from the head. They sprang forth spontaneously, as the Veda is said to have sprung forth. I don't know when it began - a very long time ago, before I came here, although some of them came while I was here. But in my case, they were always very short. For example, when Sri Aurobindo was here in his body, at any moment, in any difficulty, for anything, it always came like this: 'My Lord!' - simply and spontaneously - 'My Lord!' And instantly, the contact was established. But since He left, it has stopped. I can no longer say it, for it

November 12, 1960 (It has not stopped raining for the last 20 days ... ) Chittagong was hit by a cyclone, there were tidal waves somewhere else ... The cyclone went up the wrong side! - for according to X's predictions, it was Karachi that should have disappeared. He said only in 1962 or 1963 would Karachi totally disappear.And three-fourths of Bombay underwater! And just a while ago some volcanoes erupted, so the sea rose and swept away all kinds of things in Japan and all along its path, but it didn't come all the way to India. When I was in Japan, one island was swallowed up just like that, along with its 30,000 inhabitants, glub! You see, it amuses them; it's

March (? ) 1959 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry Sweet Mother, X has just left my house. He began by saying that he had your permission to speak to me about certain things concerning the black forces that attacked you. I asked him why he did not speak to you directly, because surely you would understand better and more than I. He replied in this way: 'Several times Mother asked about these black powers, and every time I felt in myself a "great confusion." There (in your room) it is such a Place, Place of supreme Power, Place of Divinity, and I CANNOT talk about small matters. I CANNOT talk English. I have tried but it disturbs my "meditation." Thus I have asked Mother p

M o t h e r's   A g e n d a   Undated_June_1 Undated June 1960 (Letter from Mother to Satprem) Monday morning My dear little child, I have something interesting to tell you that happened Friday night. It cannot be written down. I shall tell you tomorrow. But it seemed to me that you should feel a little better after that. Tomorrow at 10. My love watches over you. Signed: Mother Page 382 Home ISBN 2-902776-33-0