July 14, 1959 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry, July 14, 1959 Tuesday evening Sweet Mother, This is what I should have told you this morning, but I was afraid. For the last month I have been afraid of you, afraid that you might not understand. But I cannot leave with this weight on Page 324 me. I beg of you to understand, Sweet Mother. I want nothing bad, nothing impure. I feel I have something to create with Sujata, I feel she is absolutely a part of something I have to achieve, that we have something to achieve together. For the five years we have known each other I have never had a single wrong thought - but suddenly she opened my heart, which had been s

October 6, 1958 When I am not in my body, I have all kinds of contacts with people, contacts of different types. And it's not a thing decided in advance, it is not willed, it is not even thought out; it is simply ... observed. Certain relationships are entirely within me, entirely. It is not a relationship between individuals, but a relationship between states of being - which means that with the same individual there may be many different relationships. If it were a single whole ... but I am still not sure if there is a single person with whom the relationship is global. So there are parts which are entirely within me, entirely - there is no difference; they are myself. The

Undated 1959 (On Anatole France and La Révolte des Anges) ... These children don't understand [Sri Aurobindo's irony]. They read it prosaically (gesture indicating the surface). Strangely enough, it's the same phenomenon when they read Anatole France. And Anatole France, read without understanding his irony, is abominably commonplace. They don't grasp the irony. Sri Aurobindo had it. He understood the irony of Anatole France so well, he had this same thing - so subtle, so refined ... 'Very good,' he would say while reading La Révolte des Anges 'Yes, it is true, which of the two should we believe?'# (Mother laughs). 1. A French publishing house that had asked for a book on

March (?) 1959 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry Sweet Mother, I recounted my dream of the titan to X and told him that this titan in the plane crash was not, or seemingly not, dead. He immediately replied, 'Yes, tomorrow he will be killed.' It is the last day of his Puja. I told X not to worry about the whole list of names, that you know them already, but that you had been intrigued by this reduced number of 7 people. He told me, 'They are the heads of departments.' ... ... ... .. . X (I forgot to tell you at the beginning of the letter) links the crashing of the titan to the fact that the globe of light has come back into your hands. Page 285 Sweet Mot

M o t h e r's   A g e n d a   January_1959 January 1959 I am not a scholar I am a creative force in action, that is all. Everything depends on the Lord's Will. If such is His will, when I have to know, I know, when I have to fight, I fight, when I have to love, I love, and always there is the need to love, to know and to fight.* Page 343 Home ISBN 2-902776-33-0

January 25, 1958 (Concerning Pakistan) It is quite evident that for some reason or other - or perhaps for no reason at all - the Supreme has changed His mind about it. Page 135 ISBN 2-902776-33-0

M o t h e r's   A g e n d a   Undated_1956 Undated 1956  (d) (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry Sweet Mother, for many long months I have been struggling with myself in a painful conflict, and at times I have even felt certain dangers. Finally, I went within myself, into the calm, and it seemed to me that I would do well to go away for a while. I had thought I could free myself from this conflict by writing a book. But in fact, it is not the mind that needs to be freed, or at least not only that, it is the vital that needs to WEAR ITSELF OUT. I believe I have a clear mental perception of the goal to be attained, and I no longer doubt the spiritual meaning of my life, but this kind of men

December 15, 1958 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Rameswaram, Monday 12.15.58 Sweet Mother, I have only now received your first letter which you had sent to Hyderabad. It arrived in time to do me some good, for I am living through critical moments. Swami received me warmly and is doing all he can with all his heart. I am following his instructions to the letter for I believe that your grace is acting through him. Furthermore, he is totally devoted to you and spoke of you as no one ever has - he understands many things. I was unfair in my reactions towards him. At the new moon, when I felt very down, he gave me the first tantric mantra - a mantra to Durga. For a per

October 18, 1957 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry, October 18, 1957 Sweet Mother, This evening, you spoke of the possibility of shortening the path of realization to a few months, days or hours. And yesterday, when you talked to me about 'the freedom of the body,' you spoke of the experience of the Kundalini, of this 'breaking of the lid' that makes you emerge once and for all, above difficulties, into the light. I need a practical method corresponding to my present possibilities and to results of which I am presently capable. I feel that my efforts are dispersed by concentrating sometimes here, sometimes there - a feeling of not knowing exactly what to do

May 1959 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry, May 1959 Sweet Mother, You have rid me of my headache in a spectacular way, not to mention the beginning of an infection in a wisdom tooth. So I am writing you. ... ... ... ... I was prompted to speak to X about the financial difficulties of the Ashram and I took the opportunity to tell him about the subtle 'détente' that has occurred. I told him that you had wondered whether he had not done something (I am putting all this very succinctly). He replied that as soon as he returned to Rameswaram, he made a special puja of gratitude to you for three days and prayed to his divinity to repay you a hundredfold (these are my w