April 4, 1955 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry, April 4, 1955 Mother, for more than a year now I have been near you and nothing, no really significant inner experience, no sign has come that allows me to feel I have progressed or merely to show me that I am on the right path. I cannot even say I am happy. Page 48 1. Mahakali: the eternal Mother in her warrior aspect, She who severs the heads of the demons. 2. Such was our old, meaningless name (except for its Germanic root: 'hard bear') until a certain March 3, 1957, when Mother named us Sat-prem ('the one who loves truly'). I am not so absurdly pretentious as to blame the divine, nor yourself - and I re

Undated 1956 (c) (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry Sweet Mother, here is what has been happening in me almost every evening: I am literally like a bundle of compressed force that somehow can neither explode nor settle down and dissolve. The heaviness in my chest is such that I breathe with difficulty, as though all the blood in my body were converging there, oppressing me. In my head, the pressure at times is so intense that I dare not even close my eyes or concentrate further, for I feel it could crack. My entire being is so tense and filled with force that it seems it could break physically. Is this perhaps a dangerous state? Or else is it normal? I would like to

August 1954 (Further experiences of the body consciousness') When we look back upon our lives, we almost always feel that in some circumstance or other we could have done better, even though at each minute the action was dictated by the inner truth this is because the universe is in perpetual motion, and what was perfectly true at one time is only partly so today. Or, to express it more precisely, the action necessary at the time it was carried out is no longer so at the present time, and another action might more fruitfully take its place. ** When we speak of transformation, the meaning of the word is still vague to us. It gives us the impression of something that is going to ha

November 22, 1956 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry, November 22, 1956 Sweet Mother, For weeks on end, I have been spending nearly all my nights battling with serpents. Last night, I was attacked by three different kinds of serpents, each more venomous and repugnant than the other??? Signed: Bernard Page 93 ISBN 2-902776-33-0

April 3, 1958 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Kataragama, April 3, 1958 Sweet Mother, I was waiting for things to be well established in me before writing you again. An important change has occurred: it seems that something in me has 'clicked' - what Sri Aurobindo calls the 'central will,' perhaps - and I am living literally in the obsession of divine realization. This is what I want, nothing else, it is the only goal in life, and at last I have understood (not with the head) that the outer realization in the world will be the consequence of Page 151 the inner realization. So thousands of times a day, I repeat, 'Mother, I want to be your instrument, ever more con

March 21, 1956 The age of Capitalism and business is drawing to a close. But the age of Communism, too, will pass. For Communism as it is preached is not constructive, it is a weapon to combat plutocracy. But when the battle is over and the armies are disbanded for want of employment, then Communism, having no more utility, will be transformed into something else that will express a higher truth. We know this truth, and we are working for it so that it may reign upon earth. 1. Note written by Mother in French. 2. Mother appeared on her balcony daily at about 6 a.m. to give a few moments of meditation to her disciples before the beginning of the day's work. Page 70 IS

May 30, 1958 (On Hostile Forces) I have noticed that in at least ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, it is an excuse people give to themselves. I have seen that practically, in the case of almost all the people who write to me saying, 'I am being violently attacked by hostile forces,' it's an excuse they are giving. It means that certain things in their nature do not want to yield, so they put all the blame on the hostile forces. As a matter of fact, my tendency is more and more towards something in which the role of these hostile forces will be reduced to that of an examiner - which means that they are there to test the sincerity of your spiritual quest. These elements have a r

March 7, 1958 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Kataragama, March 7, 1958 Sweet Mother, Since my departure, I have been feeling your Force continually, almost constantly. And I feel an infinite gratitude that you are there, and that this thread from you to me keeps me anchored to something in this world. Simply knowing that you exist, that you are there, that I have a goal, a center - fills me with infinite gratitude. On a street in Madras, the day after I left, I suddenly Page 149 had a poignant experience: I felt that if 'that' were not in me, I would fall to pieces on the sidewalk, I would crumble, nothing would be left, nothing. And this experience remains. Li

January (?) 1956 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry Mother, I invoke the Presence of Mahakali to break all my RESISTANCES, my INERTIA, my discouragement. Rather painful shocks than this tepidness! Or else, why am I here? O Mother, may the PRESENCE of Mahakali be with me, may She force my whole being towards the Truth, the Light. Burn me, Mother, if I do not know how to love you! Signed: Bernard Page 63 ISBN 2-902776-33-0

November 20, 1958 (Mother tries to find the origin of the disciple's difficulties) I don't have all the information, otherwise certainly ... Two things made me see ... I saw them the other day. First of all, when you didn't understand my letter, for I wrote it to a part of you that without any doubt should have understood; I was referring to something other than what is seen and known by this part of you which is ... this center, this knot of revolt that seems to resist everything, that really remains knotted, in spite of your experiences and the strides you have made, as well as your openings. And what made me see is especially the fact that it resists experiences, it is not