August 8, 1958 It's remarkable that things you have understood in your consciousness ... reappear as problems to be solved in the cells of the body. In the cells, both things are there. The body is convinced of the divine Presence everywhere, that all is the Divine - it lives in that; and at the same time, it shrinks from certain contacts! I saw that this morning, both things at once, and I said, 'Lord, I know nothing at all!' There (gesture above the head), everything has been resolved, I could write books on how to resolve this or that, how the synthesis is made, etc., but here (the body) ... I live this synthesis stumblingly. The two coexist, but it is still not THAT (gestu

December 28, 1958 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Rameswaram, December 28, 1958 Sweet Mother, One sentence in your letter prompted much reflection; you write that X's action might 'be useful here, too.' After hesitating, I told Swami of the magic attack aimed directly against you. If you wish, two things can be done to help your action: either X can undertake certain mantric operations upon you here in Rameswaram, or better still, he can immediately come to Pondicherry with Swami and do what is needed in front of you. Sweet Mother, I indeed suspect that you want to endure, to bear this struggle all alone. Oh, I think I understand a number of things about the mechanism

M o t h e r's   A g e n d a   May_1959 May 1959 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry, May 1959 Sweet Mother, I read your letter to X.' He immediately said, 'I shall explain tomorrow.' Then he added this: 'Usually, before going to Mother I concentrate on the Divinity on which we are going to meditate, or by which we are going to get help. Thus, some Divinity (goddess) comes and with it the ceremony and ritual and colors. I shall explain more tomorrow.' As I am wary of his 'tomorrows,' I insisted, especially in regard to the luminous globe 2 and I asked if it were the same thing as the Shakti of the other experiences. He said it was not, that it was different, and he repeated 'more tomorrow.' T

December 13, 1957 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry, December 13, 1957 Sweet Mother, this is what is rising from my soul: I feel in me something unemployed, something seeking to express itself in life. I want to be like a knight, your knight, and go off in search of a treasure that I could bring back to you. The world has lost all sense of the wonderful, all beauty of Adventure, this quest known to the knights of the Middle Ages. It is this that calls so relentlessly within me, this need for a quest in the world and for a beautiful Adventure which at the same time would be an adventure of the soul. How I wish that the two things, inner and outer, be JOINED, that the j

November 15, 1960 I don't know if it's due to Z's visit' or simply if the time had come and things converged (because that's what generally happens), but a whole period of the past is coming up again - and it's not a purely personal past, for it includes all the acquaintances I used to have, a whole collection of things that represents not only my individual life but something rather collective (as it always is; each of us is always a collectivity but we aren't aware of it, and if anything were taken away, it would unbalance the whole). A whole set of things that were absolutely wiped clean from the memory (it must have been buried somewhere in the subconscient or the semi-consci

Undated May (?) 1960 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry Mother, You sent me this flower, 'Vital Collaboration.' I am taking this opportunity to tell you something which has been weighing on my heart for years and which, naturally, comes back up whenever things go badly. I have been here seven years and I can't count a single concrete experience, not a single vision (the only things that have ever happened were in Ceylon or Rameswaram). I haven't even managed to have a few slightly conscious nights. Page 377 Isn't this reason enough to be discouraged? In any case, these questions are stirring in me - and the vital is not happy [nor the mental, nor the phy

July 25, 1958 O mon doux Maître, Seigneur Dieu de Bonté et de Miséricorde. Ce que tu veux qu'on sache, on le saura, ce que tu veux qu'on Page 337 fasse, on le fera, ce que tu veux qu'on soit, on le sera - à jamais. Om - namo - bhagavateh Car c'est Toi qui es, qui vis, et qui sais - c'est Toi qui fais toute chose et qui es le résultat de toute action. (translation) O my sweet Master, Lord God of Kindness and Mercy. What you want us to know, we shall know, what you want us to do, we shall do, what you want us to be, we shall be - forever. Om - namo - bhagavateh For it is You who is, who lives and who knows - it is You who does all things, You who is the r

January 6, 1959 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Rameswaram, January 6, 1959 Sweet Mother, This is to tell you that a knot has very perceptibly come undone in me, for no apparent reason; suddenly, I was breathing easily. And it happened just as I was despairing of ever getting out of it. I seemed to be touching a kind of fundamental bedrock, so painful, so suffering, and full of revolt because of too much suffering. And I saw that all my efforts, all the meditations, aspirations, mantras, were only covering up this suffering bedrock without touching it. I saw this fundamental thing in me very clearly, a poignant knot, ever ready for an absolute negation. I saw it and I said

June 11, 1955 My dear child, Your case is not unique; there are others (and among the best and the most faithful) who are likewise a veritable battlefield for the forces opposing the advent of the truth. They feel powerless in this battle, sorrowful witnesses, victims without the strength to Page 52 fight, for this is taking place in that part of the physical consciousness where the supramental forces are not yet fully active, although I am confident they soon will be. Meanwhile, the only remedy is to endure, to go through this suffering and to await patiently the hour of liberation. While reading your prayer, I too prayed that it be heard. With my blessings. Signe

March 10, 1959 (The disciple returned to the Ashram, but as he was very quickly seized again by his mania for the road, the Agenda of 1959, alas, is strewn with great gaps and is almost nonexistent. The following conversation is in regard to one of Mother's commentaries on the Dhammapada: 'Evil') I spent a night - a night of battle - when, for some reason or other, a multitude of vital formations of all kinds entered into the room: beings, things, embryos of beings, residues of beings - all kinds of things ... And it was a frightful assault, absolutely disgusting. In this swarming mass, I noticed the presence of some slightly more conscious wills - wills of the vital