March 7, 1958 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Kataragama, March 7, 1958 Sweet Mother, Since my departure, I have been feeling your Force continually, almost constantly. And I feel an infinite gratitude that you are there, and that this thread from you to me keeps me anchored to something in this world. Simply knowing that you exist, that you are there, that I have a goal, a center - fills me with infinite gratitude. On a street in Madras, the day after I left, I suddenly Page 149 had a poignant experience: I felt that if 'that' were not in me, I would fall to pieces on the sidewalk, I would crumble, nothing would be left, nothing. And this experience remains. Li

January (?) 1956 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry Mother, I invoke the Presence of Mahakali to break all my RESISTANCES, my INERTIA, my discouragement. Rather painful shocks than this tepidness! Or else, why am I here? O Mother, may the PRESENCE of Mahakali be with me, may She force my whole being towards the Truth, the Light. Burn me, Mother, if I do not know how to love you! Signed: Bernard Page 63 ISBN 2-902776-33-0

November 20, 1958 (Mother tries to find the origin of the disciple's difficulties) I don't have all the information, otherwise certainly ... Two things made me see ... I saw them the other day. First of all, when you didn't understand my letter, for I wrote it to a part of you that without any doubt should have understood; I was referring to something other than what is seen and known by this part of you which is ... this center, this knot of revolt that seems to resist everything, that really remains knotted, in spite of your experiences and the strides you have made, as well as your openings. And what made me see is especially the fact that it resists experiences, it is not

October 17, 1958 (Mother brings with her the continuation of the first seven Sutras written by Her, probably in 1957.') They are in two groups. The first group ends with a helping hand to those who have made the wrong choice (!): 7) But even in the event you have not made the irrevocable decision at the outset, should you have the good fortune to live during one of these unimaginable hours of universal history when the Grace is present, embodied upon earth, It will offer you, at certain exceptional moments, the renewed possibility of making a final choice that will lead you straight to the goal. That was the message of hope. And then it continues (Mother reads):

M o t h e r's   A g e n d a   January_1959 January 1959 Ô seigneur, qu'il est doux d'avoir besoin de Toi! ... (translation) O Lord, how sweet it is to need You! ... Page 344 Home ISBN 2-902776-33-0

June 6, 1958 It's all the same thing, but the word realization can be reserved for something that is durable, that does not wear off. Because everything on earth fades away - everything fades away, nothing remains. In this sense, there has never been any realization, for everything fades away. Nothing is ever permanent. And I know for myself: I am doing the sadhana at a gallop, as it were; never are two experiences identical nor do they recur in the same way. As soon as something is established, the next thing begins immediately. It may appear to fade away, but it doesn't fade away; rather, it is the basis upon which the next thing is built. ** This morning while I was on the ba

July (?) 1958 Why, by what mechanism, do mental formulations dissipate an experience and make it lose the major part of its power of action on the consciousness? Suppose, for example, you want to undo a wrong movement and, as the result of a grace, the Force is sent for this purpose and begins acting upon the consciousness. Then if you pull it towards you, as it were, to try to formulate it, naturally you deconcentrate it, disperse and dissipate it. Page 184 But that's not all; the simple fact of speaking to another person automatically opens you to all that can come from that person. An exchange always takes place. His curiosity, his obscurity, his good or sometimes e

M o t h e r's   A g e n d a   March_1959 March (?) 1959 (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry Sweet Mother, I recounted my dream of the titan to X and told him that this titan in the plane crash was not, or seemingly not, dead. He immediately replied, 'Yes, tomorrow he will be killed.' It is the last day of his Puja. I told X not to worry about the whole list of names, that you know them already, but that you had been intrigued by this reduced number of 7 people. He told me, 'They are the heads of departments.' ... ... ... .. . X (I forgot to tell you at the beginning of the letter) links the crashing of the titan to the fact that the globe of light has come back into your hands. P

M o t h e r's   A g e n d a   March_1959 March (?) 1959 (Letter to Mother from Satprem concerning the  tantric initiation that Mother wished to see X  give to two other disciples at the Ashram) Pondicherry Sweet Mother, I spoke to X about the initiations. He told me that he also had seen only two people (when he said 'seen,' I do not think he meant physically). He said that many people would be very eager but rare were those in whom you could have full trust - and perhaps they have reached a stage where it would be difficult for them to submit to the discipline of initiation. I asked him his feeling about this morning's Darshan. He answered implying, 'I have already, in a few second

M o t h e r's   A g e n d a   Undated_1956 Undated 1956  (f) (Letter to Mother from Satprem) Pondicherry Sweet Mother, I feel it is good to tell you what happened within me yesterday evening during the distribution, if only to express my infinite gratitude. First of all, I began by feeling, perceiving in an absolutely obvious way, that it is you and you alone who has been doing my yoga, that you have been doing everything for me and that you have been there forever, guiding each one of my steps. I felt luminously that without you I would never have been able to go forward a single step and that, basically, all my efforts have served only to teach me the futility of my efforts, as it were, and to