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January 6, 1959
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Rameswaram, January 6, 1959
Sweet Mother,
This is to tell you that a knot has very perceptibly come undone in me, for no apparent reason; suddenly, I was breathing easily.
And it happened just as I was despairing of ever getting out of it. I seemed to be touching a kind of fundamental bedrock, so painful, so suffering, and full of revolt because of too much suffering. And I saw that all my efforts, all the meditations, aspirations, mantras, were only covering up this suffering bedrock without touching it. I saw this fundamental thing in me very clearly, a poignant knot, ever ready for an absolute negation. I saw it and I said
June 11, 1955
My dear child,
Your case is not unique; there are others (and among the best and the most faithful) who are likewise a veritable battlefield for the forces opposing the advent of the truth. They feel powerless in this battle, sorrowful witnesses, victims without the strength to
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fight, for this is taking place in that part of the physical consciousness where the supramental forces are not yet fully active, although I am confident they soon will be. Meanwhile, the only remedy is to endure, to go through this suffering and to await patiently the hour of liberation.
While reading your prayer, I too prayed that it be heard.
With my blessings.
Signe
March 10, 1959
(The disciple returned to the Ashram, but as he was very
quickly seized again by his mania for the road, the Agenda of
1959, alas, is strewn with great gaps and is almost nonexistent.
The following conversation is in regard to one of Mother's
commentaries on the Dhammapada: 'Evil')
I spent a night - a night of battle - when, for some reason or other, a multitude of vital formations of all kinds entered into the room: beings, things, embryos of beings, residues of beings - all kinds of things ... And it was a frightful assault, absolutely disgusting.
In this swarming mass, I noticed the presence of some slightly more conscious wills - wills of the vital
April 4, 1955
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry, April 4, 1955
Mother, for more than a year now I have been near you and nothing, no really significant inner experience, no sign has come that allows me to feel I have progressed or merely to show me that I am on the right path. I cannot even say I am happy.
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1. Mahakali: the eternal Mother in her warrior aspect, She who severs the heads of the demons.
2. Such was our old, meaningless name (except for its Germanic root: 'hard bear') until a certain March 3, 1957, when Mother named us Sat-prem ('the one who loves truly').
I am not so absurdly pretentious as to blame the divine, nor yourself - and I re
Undated 1956 (c)
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry
Sweet Mother, here is what has been happening in me almost every evening: I am literally like a bundle of compressed force that somehow can neither explode nor settle down and dissolve. The heaviness in my chest is such that I breathe with difficulty, as though all the blood in my body were converging there, oppressing me. In my head, the pressure at times is so intense that I dare not even close my eyes or concentrate further, for I feel it could crack. My entire being is so tense and filled with force that it seems it could break physically.
Is this perhaps a dangerous state? Or else is it normal? I would like to
August 1954
(Further experiences of the body consciousness')
When we look back upon our lives, we almost always feel that in some circumstance or other we could have done better, even though at each minute the action was dictated by the inner truth this is because the universe is in perpetual motion, and what was perfectly true at one time is only partly so today. Or, to express it more precisely, the action necessary at the time it was carried out is no longer so at the present time, and another action might more fruitfully take its place.
**
When we speak of transformation, the meaning of the word is still vague to us. It gives us the impression of something that is going to ha
November 22, 1956
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry, November 22, 1956
Sweet Mother,
For weeks on end, I have been spending nearly all my nights battling with serpents. Last night, I was attacked by three different kinds of serpents, each more venomous and repugnant than the other???
Signed: Bernard
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ISBN 2-902776-33-0
April 3, 1958
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Kataragama, April 3, 1958
Sweet Mother,
I was waiting for things to be well established in me before writing you again. An important change has occurred: it seems that something in me has 'clicked' - what Sri Aurobindo
calls the 'central will,' perhaps - and I am living literally in the obsession
of divine realization. This is what I want, nothing else, it is the only goal in
life, and at last I have understood (not with the head) that the outer
realization in the world will be the consequence of
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the inner realization. So thousands of times a day, I repeat, 'Mother, I want
to be your instrument, ever more con
March 21, 1956
The age of Capitalism and business is drawing to a close.
But the age of Communism, too, will pass. For Communism as it is preached is not constructive, it is a weapon to combat plutocracy. But when the battle is over and the armies are disbanded for want of employment, then Communism, having no more utility, will be transformed into something else that will express a higher truth.
We know this truth, and we are working for it so that it may reign upon earth.
1. Note written by Mother in French.
2. Mother appeared on her balcony daily at about 6 a.m. to give a few moments of meditation to her disciples before the beginning of the day's work.
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IS
May 30, 1958
(On Hostile Forces)
I have noticed that in at least ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, it is an excuse people give to themselves. I have seen that practically, in the case of almost all the people who write to me saying, 'I am being violently attacked by hostile forces,' it's an excuse they are giving. It means that certain things in their nature do not want to yield, so they put all the blame on the hostile forces.
As a matter of fact, my tendency is more and more towards something in which the role of these hostile forces will be reduced to that of an examiner - which means that they are there to test the sincerity of your spiritual quest. These elements have a r